Ashlee Wells - One on One

Considering what life has thrown at Ashlee Wells particularly in the past year, it is easy to see why retiring from international hockey is the furthest thing from her mind.

Ash and her partner are currently back at her family home in regional Victoria helping to care for her Mum who has Motor Neurone Disease (MND). It was Ash’s Mum, who is a life member at their local hockey club, who influenced Ash to pick up a hockey stick at age five.

Ash’s Hockeyroos career was also anything but smooth sailing. As a goalkeeper a lot of time can be spent waiting for an opportunity to play. Ash was the reserve goalkeeper for the 2012 and 2016 Olympics and also missed out on selection at last year’s Games in Tokyo.

Despite her being one of Australia’s best goalkeepers over the past decade, many of her current and former teammates would say it is Ash’s ‘team first’ mentality and approach that made her such a valuable part of the squad.

She brought up her 100^th cap in 2018 during Australia’s Tri-Nations series in New Zealand at the same time good friend Jodie Kenny reached her 200 game milestone.

With so much going on for Ash away from hockey currently, she allowed herself some time to recall some of the highs and lows of being part of a national squad that she spent more than a third of her life with.

Congratulations on your career Ash. How’s life been since relocating back to Victoria?

AW: “I came back to Victoria just after the Hockeyroos flew out for the Olympics in Tokyo and I was only supposed to be here for about two weeks. During that time I found out my Mum was diagnosed with MND and I’ve been here ever since.

For me, I feel like my world has been flipped upside down. I have gone from being an elite athlete to my whole focus being my family. It has been a tough couple of months but we’re getting through. My partner James is here as well, we haven’t made any decisions on what we’re going to do long term but for now we’ll live here and do whatever is needed and work the rest out later.”

What has it meant to you to have been part of the Hockeyroos for over a decade?

AW: "My career has probably been different to the standard Hockeyroo. Most play and tick over games every year but being a goalkeeper I have had to sit back and miss tournaments and have had time to reflect on my position in the team and what the group needs from me whilst still being involved.

I think what meant the most to me was being around the group and doing something that I love. Being able to go to training every day, be around some of my best friends, travel around the world and get the opportunity to represent your country.”

Being a goalkeeper is such a tough position because there is only one on the pitch and only one can be selected for the Olympics. Was it difficult to stay the course through the disappointments of not being selected?

AW: “I was just so proud to be a Hockeyroo. I felt like I was always part of something much bigger than myself. In the end it was probably my downfall in terms of cracking that number 1 goalkeeper position, I often prioritised what the team needed before my personal endeavours.

There were times when it was so hard I wanted to give up, times when people said to me ‘surely you have had enough you don’t want to put yourself through that hurt again’. There were definitely times in my career where I should have been more disappointed and other people might have walked away, but I felt so strongly that I needed to continue. I guess most recently some of the disappointments of not being selected, the only thing that kept me in the squad was the girls because I felt that if I walked away, I was letting the group down. I guess I immersed myself in a lot of the team stuff because then I felt like I was having an impact on the group even if I wasn’t always on the field.

Every selection is different. Being picked as a reserve for the London Olympics felt like a great moment because I was so fresh, whereas for Rio in 2016 it was one of the most heartbreaking things ever as I felt like I was ready to play at an Olympics.”

How tough a decision was it to retire?

AW: “My family has been going through so much lately that I haven’t even thought about announcing my retirement from hockey. My priorities have done this massive flip. All I wanted to do was go to the Olympics and then all of a sudden my priority was my family.

Despite all that is going on in my life at the moment, I feel like this is the right time to retire. I have been in the program for over ten years, I’m proud of what I have done and achieved for the group. I felt it was the right time to step away. As you get a bit older you start to carry some niggles and everything gets that little bit harder, you just know your time is up.”

What are you going to miss most and what did you love most about representing your country?

AW: “I’m going to miss the group of girls you get to hang out with. I really love the moments on the pitch when it’s really hard, you have high expectations, and when they succeed it gives you a lot of pride.

Those moments when you’re on the pitch, battling hard and then you come through and celebrate together – I’m probably going to miss those times the most because it is an unreal feeling doing something like that together. Going on tour, wearing the uniform, training together, it’s going to be really hard not to see the group every day.”

Being a goalkeeper, you are the last line of defence. What has given you that buzz every time you go out on the pitch?

AW: “I think I’m different to the typical goalkeeper. I’m not necessarily about going out there and trying to win the game and having the big moments. I’m more of a control person so one of my greatest strengths is my communication and connection with my teammates on the pitch.

I think some of my best games have been how I have impacted the group around me. I consider my game different to a lot of top goalkeepers because I feel like it’s not always the big save you’re making, sometimes it’s preventing you having to make it. I have got a lot out of working with the group and setting things up so you didn’t have to always make those big saves. The most pumped I have ever been in games is when as a unit we have blocked or prevented a threatening move from happening.”

Is goalkeeping something that came naturally to you?

AW: “I started playing hockey when I was about four or five and played on the field, but growing up a had a lot of growth problems in my knees. I wasn’t a natural goalkeeper but as I progressed and tried to make state rep teams I struggled with the running and pressure on my knees. I transitioned into goalkeeping and the first time I put the pads on I just watched the ball and ended up being ok at it. I got better and better at it and got to a point when goalkeeping was a no brainer.”

It was obviously something you enjoyed doing?

AW: “I admit at the start I didn’t like playing goalkeeper but I did love the game, so I stuck it out and realised the better I got the more I liked it. Goalkeeping grows on you.”

Do you have a favourite Hockeyroo memory or moment looking back over your time in the squad?

AW: “My favourite tournament was the 2014 World Cup where we won a silver medal. I didn’t play the majority of the games but the games I did play I have never been more exhilarated. The game against Holland, the stadium was absolutely packed so that was probably my favourite moment. I had never played in front of that many people before. When the Netherlands players were on a breakaway and they’re running at you and there are that many people in the crowd screaming there is nothing that compares to it.

We did well in the tournament but the vibe among the group made it my favourite tournament because it was something you can’t really explain. It was the connection of the group, everyone seemed to click so it was one of the best tournaments performance wise. That tournament we were so united as a group and in it for each other.”

You made your Hockeyroos debut in Busselton – what can you remember about that?

AW: “We went to Busselton for a training camp at the start of last year and it made me think about my debut. Strangely when it happened I didn’t actually think I was debuting for Australia. I don’t know why but it wasn’t until after I played that I realised how big a deal it was. When I think back I certainly don’t think I played with the pressure of it being my debut.

I didn’t realise until much later how big a deal it was. I just rocked up ready to play and played. It seems so long ago I don’t remember a lot about the game to be completely honest. I think we won and I remember Jodie (Kenny) was playing as captain for the first time in that series. At that stage Jodie and I had hardly met each other let alone played alongside each other but from that moment we became really close over our careers.”

In your Victorian Institute of Sport profile your ambition was to play over 100 games, which you did. It’s a terrific achievement and displays great commitment. How proud are you of that?

AW: “Playing my 100^th game was a huge moment for me for a number of reasons. Being a goalkeeper I knew reaching 100 games was going to be a tough milestone. I also got to share my 100^th game with my best friend Jodie (Kenny) as it was her 200^th game so that just made it extra special.

It was a huge moment because I wasn’t sure if I would get there, whether my body would hold up or whether I would get selected for games. Dad flew over to New Zealand to watch which was really nice. I’m glad I achieved it because now I can sit back as a retired athlete and say I played over 100 games for my country.”

What is the biggest thing being part of the Hockeyroos and a high performance environment taught you?

AW: “Being an athlete in general prepares you for the outside world more than what you think when you are in it. Even working now at Bunnings, the life skills that being an athlete gives you, I don’t think until you retire that you realise that if you’re dedicated and set yourself goals and work hard to achieve something, it sets you above the rest.

Being an elite athlete in general, it teaches you so many lessons that set you up for life. How many times do we have to stick to a schedule, push hard to achieve an area of weakness, review our performances and constantly strive to be better. There are so many life lessons from being an elite athlete that now that I’m in the real world, it helps you know who you are, what your strengths are, what you need to improve on. Often people don’t think about those things, whereas as an elite athlete you’re constantly thinking about what you bring.”

Is there anyone you would like to specifically thank or acknowledge?

AW: “I really owe a lot of my achievements and longevity to my family. It’s a huge commitment coming from a country area two hours outside of Melbourne. There was a time when Mum even quit her job to drive me to Melbourne for training. The toll that took on not only my parents but my whole family in general is huge.

My brothers and sisters had to make a lot of sacrifices growing up to get me to where I am. My parents dedicated their time to sometimes drive me five times a week to train in Melbourne. You can’t make it to the level I did without that kind of support.

I think people underestimate how hard it is to get a child to that level. There are probably a lot of people with a lot of talent out there but will only progress with a supportive family driving that passion. My parents sat me down when I was 11 and asked whether I was willing to commit to hockey because if I said no they wouldn’t have pushed as hard. But from that day they put everything in to my hockey and made a lot of sacrifices so I could be a better player, so I owe them my whole career.”

For the last eight years I have been lucky enough for that level of support to continue in Perth through my fiancé James. I am incredibly grateful for James being able to support me in ways my family couldn’t from the other side of the country. Having James by my side has helped me navigate the rollercoaster of elite sport. Without him I don’t think I would have been able to continue to push myself day in day out.”

Are you keen to keep playing hockey at some level?

AW: “I don’t know what level I’ll play at. I have had a few clubs contact me to see if I want to play club hockey. I’ll play hockey in some form…I’ve been playing as an outfield player for a bit since I’ve been back home which has been a nice change from being in goals. I have also done some coaching since I’ve been back which I have enjoyed, so I’m pushing to do some more high level coaching but I’m not sure right at the moment.”